Strength from the Rez.

By Sky Vasquez

My mom recently told me a funny story about her & her elder friends.  They had over heard someone talking about being in their 50’s and how old they felt.  My moms group of friends (the oldest of this group turned 81 this summer), looked at each other and one of them said, “Oh, to be in our 50’s again.  How nice that would be.”  They all laughed.  To someone turning 81, yes, 50 years old is still young.

I told that story because my birthday was last week and I have never been a big celebrator of it.  I’m not a huge fan of being the center of attention, I feel uncomfortable. On your birthday, you get to be the center of the universe. Well, to your loved ones, at least.  Anyways, this birthday has me reflecting back on my life and where I’m at today.  Where I am… at, today…now picture that little sentence in a bubble flying over my head with the word, “hmmm…” after it.

Where am I at today? Well, I am back home on my Paiute reservation for the summer. I’m pretty much back where I started.  It is the middle of the night; I am wide-awake, listening to the crickets singing outside the window. (Don’t get that in the city.) I have so many things swirling around in my head, I feel like I should just get up, at this ridiculous hour and start doing things so I can just check them off my never ending to-do list.  If I do that, I’m sure you will think I’m crazy and my parents will probably think I’m on drugs, so I grab my computer, crawl back into bed and start typing.

Back to the “where am I” question.  I am back where I started my journey, which seems like another lifetime ago, but a few things are different.  I am a wiser person then I was the last time I spent this much time here.  In fact, my whole way of thinking about life is completely different but my core goals are still there, such as working in a field I’m passionate about, taking care of my family and helping Indian Country but the route to those overall goals have evolved with what I’ve learned over the years.

As I look over at my nightstand, it has 3 books on it right now. I am starting to read them and my computer is loaded with webinars that I am trying to find time to watch plus, I am online looking up topics I never imagined I would be researching.   Government Contracting, Diabetes and Cancer to be specific.  In the past year, all three of these subjects have, for lack of a better description, fallen into my lap.   

Now here is the funny thing…like when I first left our reservation after high school graduation, I’m once again heading into unknown territory. Having to learn about things that might as well be rocket science because they are so foreign to me.  Quality Control Plan, Oncology, blood sugar, metastasized,  8(a) certification, Nephrology, Stages I-IV, performance work statements, dietary needs, small business competitive, blood cultures and these are some of the easy terms. All of these topics have a whole different language and don’t get me started on the way they do things, lets just say it is all OVERWHELMING.  I didn’t know these subjects would ever touch my life because that’s what they were before now, just “subjects”, until they all became personal.  So, I am literally back where I started, on the rez wondering what will happen in the near future.

With all the day-to-day stuff of just being alive, trying to fine balance and of course, trying to be the best mom EVER, I feel like the powers that be came into my  “office”.  They stood at my desk and dropped these three huge files on my desk and said, “Sky, here are three big clients that we want you to start working on, even thought you have all your other work to do. We know you don’t have the expertise in any of these areas but we trust you will figure it out. Like you always do.”  (Is that weird I am relating my life to a business scenario? How else would I process this all?)

Like any professional, I take a deep breath and after doing an assessment of each client file…I go cry alone for about 5 minutes in the bathroom, my apartment or any private place will do. (Men do this too, don’t you watch 30 Rock.) Then I pull myself together and call all of my friends who already have experience in these subjects.  They refer me to some of their contacts, who in my eyes, seem to be experts in these fields.  Then I charm them by saying something like…”I have no idea what I am doing and my friend said you could help me.”  Next thing I know, the ball is rolling and I am figuring it out. 

I know you are wondering where am I going with all this? Well, right now the two things these subjects have in common are Indian Country and I.  Diabetes, Cancer & Government Contracting are major subjects in Indian Country now and there are so many resources out there but my lack of knowledge of each subject can be a little scary.  So where I am drawing my strength…I came back to the rez and it has opened my eyes to so many things and people to help me become more knowledgeable.  Plus, our community has provided the mental and physical support I needed to help my family and maybe, even Indian Country.   

So to recap the three things I hope someone will take away from this post is:

1. Hey, Native Youth - Lives are always changing no matter what age or point in our lives, everyone is still learning something new. (Most people just don’t want to say it out loud.)
2. Our reservations do provide the strength, knowledge and support if you are willing to ask for help, accept it and don’t forget to be politely persistent.
3. Its okay to say…”I don’t know” because we’ve all been their, whether we are willing to admit it our not.

Now my days are filled with cooking, chauffeuring, taking notes, creating spreadsheets, cleaning, WRITING, communicating, managing, organizing and READING. Plus, finding the positive in what is right here in front of me.  As they say, we have the choice on how we react to what life hands us.  Stay positive Indian Country!!! We’re making it happen!

Little Sky Vasquez is Paiute/Navajo and grew up on the Bishop Paiute Reservation   She spent her life working for a number of native organizations in California and Washington DC.  Always a mother, artist, meeting planner and optimist at heart.  Her and her son currently reside in Portland, OR.