Strength from the Rez.
My mom recently told me a funny story about her & her
elder friends. They had over heard someone
talking about being in their 50’s and how old they felt. My moms group of friends (the oldest of this
group turned 81 this summer), looked at each other and one of them
said, “Oh, to be in our 50’s again. How
nice that would be.” They all
laughed. To someone turning 81, yes, 50
years old is still young.
I told that story because my birthday was last week and I
have never been a big celebrator of it. I’m
not a huge fan of being the center of attention, I feel uncomfortable. On your
birthday, you get to be the center of the universe. Well, to your loved ones,
at least. Anyways, this birthday has me
reflecting back on my life and where I’m at today. Where I am… at, today…now picture that little
sentence in a bubble flying over my head with the word, “hmmm…” after it.
Where am I at today? Well, I am back home on my Paiute
reservation for the summer. I’m pretty much back where I started. It is the middle of the night; I am
wide-awake, listening to the crickets singing outside the window. (Don’t get
that in the city.) I have so many things swirling around in my head, I feel
like I should just get up, at this ridiculous hour and start doing things so I
can just check them off my never ending to-do list. If I do that, I’m sure you will think I’m
crazy and my parents will probably think I’m on drugs, so I grab my computer,
crawl back into bed and start typing.
Back to the “where am I” question. I am back where I started my journey, which
seems like another lifetime ago, but a few things are different. I am a wiser person then I was the last time
I spent this much time here. In fact, my
whole way of thinking about life is completely different but my core goals are
still there, such as working in a field I’m passionate about, taking care of my
family and helping Indian Country but the route to those overall goals have
evolved with what I’ve learned over the years.
As I look over at my nightstand, it has 3 books on it right
now. I am starting to read them and my computer is loaded with webinars that I am
trying to find time to watch plus, I am online looking up topics I never
imagined I would be researching. Government Contracting, Diabetes and Cancer to
be specific. In the past year, all three
of these subjects have, for lack of a better description, fallen into my lap.
Now here is the funny thing…like when I first left our
reservation after high school graduation, I’m once again heading into unknown territory.
Having to learn about things that might as well be rocket science because they
are so foreign to me. Quality Control
Plan, Oncology, blood sugar, metastasized,
8(a) certification, Nephrology, Stages I-IV, performance work
statements, dietary needs, small business competitive, blood cultures and these
are some of the easy terms. All of these topics have a whole different language
and don’t get me started on the way they do things, lets just say it is all
OVERWHELMING. I didn’t know these
subjects would ever touch my life because that’s what they were before now,
just “subjects”, until they all became personal. So, I am literally back where I started, on
the rez wondering what will happen in the near future.
With all the day-to-day stuff of just being alive, trying to
fine balance and of course, trying to be the best mom EVER, I feel like the
powers that be came into my “office”. They stood at my desk and dropped these three
huge files on my desk and said, “Sky, here are three big clients that we want you
to start working on, even thought you have all your other work to do. We know
you don’t have the expertise in any of these areas but we trust you will figure
it out. Like you always do.” (Is that
weird I am relating my life to a business scenario? How else would I process
this all?)
Like any professional, I take a deep breath and after doing
an assessment of each client file…I go cry alone for about 5 minutes in the
bathroom, my apartment or any private place will do. (Men do this too, don’t
you watch 30 Rock.) Then I pull myself together and call all of my friends who
already have experience in these subjects.
They refer me to some of their contacts, who in my eyes, seem to be
experts in these fields. Then I charm
them by saying something like…”I have no idea what I am doing and my friend
said you could help me.” Next thing I
know, the ball is rolling and I am figuring it out.
I know you are wondering where am I going with all this?
Well, right now the two things these subjects have in common are Indian Country
and I. Diabetes, Cancer & Government
Contracting are major subjects in Indian Country now and there are so many
resources out there but my lack of knowledge of each subject can be a little
scary. So where I am drawing my strength…I
came back to the rez and it has opened my eyes to so many things and people to
help me become more knowledgeable. Plus,
our community has provided the mental and physical support I needed to help my
family and maybe, even Indian Country.
So to recap the three things I hope someone will take away
from this post is:
- Hey, Native Youth - Lives are always changing no matter what age or point in our lives, everyone is still learning something new. (Most people just don’t want to say it out loud.)
- Our reservations do provide the strength, knowledge and support if you are willing to ask for help, accept it and don’t forget to be politely persistent.
- Its okay to say…”I don’t know” because we’ve all been their, whether we are willing to admit it our not.
Now
my days are filled with cooking, chauffeuring, taking notes, creating
spreadsheets, cleaning, WRITING, communicating, managing, organizing and
READING. Plus, finding the positive in what is right here in front of me. As they say, we have the choice on how we
react to what life hands us. Stay
positive Indian Country!!! We’re making it happen!
Little Sky Vasquez is Paiute/Navajo and grew up on the Bishop Paiute Reservation She spent her life working for a number of native organizations in California and Washington DC. Always a mother, artist, meeting planner and optimist at heart. Her and her son currently reside in Portland, OR.
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